Perigee and Apogee
by renalan
Summary: Five years is a long time, and and Kaname knows that better than anyone. Chisaki and Tsumugu make an offer to close the distance and Kaname tries valiantly to stay afloat. Tsumugu/Chisaki/Kaname.


Chisaki had called him up early in the morning, the phone ringing out through the water louder than Kaname remembers it being before the hibernation. Or maybe he's just grown too used to the sounds of being on the surface. Either way, Kaname had picked it up and answered, smiling as he heard Chisaki's voice coming through it like the waves of the ocean. It was just a small thing really, Tsumugu had left some of his research documents on the table when he had come to visit for the month and Chisaki herself had to run in the opposite direction in order to make it to the nursing school in time for her exams. Which left her to call someone else to bring Tsumugu his work.

'I don't want to impose...' Chisaki says, in a voice that Kaname can't say no to, and Kaname can almost see her pulling at the cord and twisting it into tight spirals. Kaname wonders if Chisaki knows what he would do for her. He wonders if he's being used. But it's such a small thing it flits away from his mind immediately. He would do anything for her anyway, no matter what.

'It's alright, Chisaki, I'll take care of it for you.' He smiles as he hears he exhale into the phone. That's good, that he can do this much for her at least.

'Kaname-' She goes to say, but pauses, holding the silence over the line, and Kaname can't have this not now, he doesn't think he can't be ready for anything she's going to say in that tone of voice.

'Don't you have to get to your exams, Chisaki?' and there's a clatter across the line, like she's just broken out of a daze, sharply, and there's an urgency in the ruffing of cloth and footsteps that wasn't there just before.

'I'll call you again as soon as I get back to the house, and, Kaname,' She pauses and he wonders if she's biting her lip right now. He wants to see her face. 'Thank you.'

'Of course.' he says. 'Any time.'

For as long as she still needs him at least.

Kaname has never been to the college before, but he has a pretty clear idea of where it is after hearing Chisaki and Tsumugu and that one strange professor talk about the work there. It's not nearly as grand or imposing as he'd expected, for something that had drawn Tsumugu so far away from the sea, but perhaps it's familiar, with rust stains from old saltflake snow dripping down the edges of the walls and a calm sort of presence in the way its hallways echo. It seems sturdy enough though, and there are a host of people in the hallways, all Tsumugu's age (Chisaki's too, he tells himself again, to make her more outside of his reach) or older, and Kaname thinks he feels a little small and out of place, but he brushes it aside, he's done enough pretending to know how to fit in anywhere by now.

He makes his way over to a small group of girls crowding over by one of the doors and asks for directions to the marine biology lab with a polite smile. They coo at him a little bit and ask if he's someone's younger brother.

'Yes.' Kaname says, for all that it might as well be true now. Five years is a long time. He holds up the folder he'd gotten from Chisaki's house. 'I'm here to deliver some documents to Tsumugu-onii-san, if you could perhaps point me in the right direction... This building is a bit large so I would hate to get lost.'

'Oh, if it's Kihara, then...' one of the girls makes a motion to the hallway and gives him the room number. 'Just up ahead and to the left, you can't miss it.'

He thanks them with a wave before wandering off to what he assumes is the indicated room and slides it open. The inside is about what he would expect, if a little messy and scattered for someone as careful and exacting as Tsumugu, but it has a sort of lived in charm. Kaname wonders if Tsumugu doesn't live here sometimes, for all that he puts himself into his work. He's always been that sort of type, and even after five years, Kaname doesn't think that would change.

It takes a little bit before Kaname spots him, Tsumugu's sequestered himself off to one of the side tables in the lab bent over a microscope, taking quick notes on the pad laid out beside him. Something to do with the water, Kaname guesses, as if everything about Tsumugu isn't like that. Perhaps some seaweed, some scales. Perhaps a fleck of Ena, he thinks, looking at the slight rainbow sheen to Tsumugu's skin where the glare from the overhead light hits him. Tsumugu just keeps finding himself deeper in their world, and Kaname is almost bitter that it mirrors the way nothing still fits quite right for him.

'Are you just going to stare all day?' Tsumugu's voice says, and Kaname startles a bit, rocking back on his heels, his school shoes squeaking slightly on the tile floor. He's not even looking directly at Kaname, still consumed in his research but Kaname had spent enough time with Tsumugu back then to be able to tell when he's paying attention.

'I didn't think you would mind the attention, Tsumugu-onii-san.' And Tsumugu does look up at that, a quirk in his eyebrow, but he doesn't say anything more to the point. He's wearing glasses which Kaname hadn't noticed until now, darkly framed around his eyes. They suit him. It's a little distracting. He blinks to clear his head just a bit, he can't afford to space out here. This was a bad idea after all.

'Chisaki said you forgot some documents at your house so she asked me to bring them to you.' Kaname walks over and holds out the folder, a reasonable distance away, but not enough to draw attention he doesn't think. Kaname always had a habit of underestimating Tsumugu though, and it's apparent when Tsumugu leans forward out of his chair so he can brush the backs of Kaname's hands as he takes the folder with a murmured 'thank you'.

Kaname tries not to show his surprise but his eyes narrow into a mockery of a smile. He wonders how much Tsumugu knows. People from the land sure are annoying.

'That's all I came here for so I'll be leaving.' Kaname says and goes to spin around on his heels but Tsumugu's voice stops him from leaving.

'Kaname.' He says and Kaname sighs.

'What is it?' He asks, and doesn't know what he should be expecting at all.

'Have you ever thought about moving back into the house?' -well it certainly wasn't that at least. That's too hopeful. Definitely annoying.

'Hm? I'll have to decline. I wouldn't want to bother to two of you, after all.' He says, and is glad he's still facing away so Tsumugu can't see his expressions.

'You wouldn't be a bother.' Tsumugu says, and in that tone Kaname can almost believe it. Tsumugu was always the earnest sort. 'Chisaki... She misses you.'

'Isn't that your fault, Mr. Fiancé? Leaving her there like a lonely housewife while you go off to college.' Kaname digs, a little bitter, looking over his shoulder this time to stare into Tsumugu's eyes. There's a faint blue sheen to them, like the depths of the sea.

Tsumugu doesn't take the bait though, doesn't argue, doesn't change expressions, just says-

'Think about it.'

–

And Kaname does.

It keeps him up at night under the waves, watching the fish swim around above his head like a mobile, close enough that he could reach out and touch their scales if he wanted.

He doesn't really understand why this is happening now of all times, when he'd been trying to make peace with everything and stop caring about himself. Trying to start fresh and new five years in a future he still doesn't understand. It's scary. Impossibility was bad enough, but when he's this close it's somehow even worse. He feels like a kid and it makes five years even worse.

His lack of sleep carries over into the day, and for all that he acts normal in class, he loses track of his thoughts gazing out the window during his afternoon study session with Sayu in the library. He and Sayu had fallen into this pattern on odd days, an excuse to sit and learn, as much about eachother as their material, and by now she's one of his closest friends, though he often wishes he could see the same way she does him. It would make things much more simple, as much as he does love her.

'And see here, you take X and plug in your factors so you can square it to get the area and- hey Kaname are you listening!?' She puffs up her cheeks, not really angry, but expressive and mercurial in a way that Tsumugu has never been, but more like Chisaki. Like the ocean. Kaname shakes his head. He needs to stop thinking about Tsumugu. Or Chisaki. Both of them.

'Don't shake your head at me mister, when I'm using my valuable time to teach you math!' Sayu says and whaps him on the head with her math notebook. It's paperback and she's joking, so it's not like it hurts, but Kaname reaches a hand up to rub at his head anyway.

'Ah, sorry, Sayu, I guess I just got a little distracted...' Which is apparently not a satisfying explanation for Sayu, because her face softens and she does that thing where she looks straight at him.

'What's wrong, Kaname? You've been off all day.' She says, and he doesn't really know what to tell her. So maybe he's in love with both Chisaki and Tsumugu. So maybe they're getting married sometime down the line. So maybe Kaname's been trying really hard to avoid thinking about himself for a long long time. So maybe Tsumugu just invited him to live with them and Kaname doesn't know what to do because he hates this. So maybe he just kind of wants to curl up and cry on Sayu again, like last time.

Instead, he smiles at her.

'You don't have to worry about me, Sayu, I'm just feeling a little sleepy, is all.' Kaname says. 'Now, about this section, I have a few questions-'

Sayu leans over to hold his hand, lacing their fingers together, and it's familiar and calming.

'I'll worry about you if I want to. Someone has to make sure you keep out of trouble!' She thumps at her chest with her other hand and Kaname stares at her for a bit before he laughs, too loud for the library and the student on duty comes over to shush them.

Sayu doesn't let go for the rest of the day though, and near the end Kaname turns to her.

'Thank you.' he says, and she just squeezes on his hand harder, tucking a stay strand of hair behind her ear.

'Of course.'

–

Chisaki comes to visit the next day after school, still in her nursing uniform, standing on the doorstep a little awkwardly, shuffling on her feet with a basket of tangerines clutched in her hands. He face brightens when she sees him though, looking younger than she should when she's almost twenty by now.

'Kaname! It's good to see you! Um, do you think I could come in for a bit? I brought tangerines.' She seems unsure of herself and Kaname thinks he can guess why this time. He could probably avoid a lot of trouble if he didn't let her in, if he just left her outside on the porch in the cold water.

He could never do that, though.

'To what do I owe the honour? Aren't you busy, Chisaki?' Kaname says, measuring out tea leaves into the pot and gathering an ember of sacred fire so he can boil water. It's Chisaki's favourite tea, or at least it was. He thinks he's seen her drink more coffee than tea lately.

'Classes are still pretty hectic but today was a self study day, so I thought I would come up after I did my rounds...' She wrings her hands and there's a ring on one of her fingers, with a deep blue stone like the ocean. Like Chisaki herself. 'I wanted to come thank you after all, you went out of your way to do a favour for me and Tsumugu.'

'It wasn't much, the college isn't too far away after all.' He busies himself with pouring the water, wincing a bit as some of it flows out wrongly, warming the area around his hands before mixing with the surroundings. It only took him a little bit to forget how things worked in the ocean, and he's lived here all his life. He must be slacking.

'Still, if there's anything I can do for you...' She trails off and then looks straight up as he places the tray of tea and packaged sweets on the table. 'No, that's not what I mean. I want to do something for you, after all you've done.'

And what an awkward train of thought that is, as if she owes him anything, as if she wasn't his everything for a long time and all he could use to stay afloat. Kaname owes her more than he'll ever be able to pay back in a million lifetimes. Which is why he owes it to her to be happy as well.

'...When is the wedding?' He asks.

'-Huh?' Chisaki seems confused, the sudden change causing her to tilt her head at him.

'That's the first time I've seen your ring, you know. Did Tsumugu pick that out for you? He sure does have good taste, it's the same colour as your eyes.' Kaname continues on, twirling his cup of tea for something to do with his hands.

'They're your eyes too, Kaname...' Chisaki says, like he's forgotten that they all have a part of the sea inside of them. But, of course-

'Yours are bluer, Chisaki. A much deeper, more amazing blue. They're really lovely.' He smiles at her as she frowns harder.

'I don't know.' She says, after a pause, and it's Kaname's turn to not understand, but she adds more at his expression. 'When we're getting married, I don't know. Not for a while... I mean, Tsumugu still has another couple years of college and I have to continue with the nursing program and my internship, and with grandpa still in and out of the hospital-'

'But you want to right?' he asks, as she starts to get more excited, fidgeting and looking away from him.

Chisaki tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, and slowly, shyly, lifts her gaze back up. 'Yeah... I think I was able to make the right decision after all this time. Thank you for that too, Kaname.'

It hurts a bit, when she says that, but it's a sweet sort of pain. He's glad for her, he really is.

'You'll look good in white. You know,' he grins wide and even, 'just like your clothes right now. They're cute.'

Chisaki sputters, he cheeks dusted pink. 'I-I just didn't have time to change before the bus arrived! And I rushed straight over here! Gosh Kaname...'

He laughs. 'It was a joke, is all. Though it definitely suits you. I guess you got the tangerines at the hospital, then?'

She nods, face still the colour of a red bellied sea slug, but fading a little bit. 'They have them for the patients, it is that time of year after all...' She trails off and Kaname can feel something fall over them, serious but not dark, just heavy. He wonders if that's just as bad.

'Tangerines are, well, Tsumugu's favourite food. He totally loves them and sweets, he's just like a little kid. But, speaking of Tsumugu.'

Ah, here it comes.

'He told me he asked you the other day, about coming to live with us. He said you turned him down, but I don't understand why...'

Kaname digs his nails into his knee, the flesh taut where he's sitting crosslegged on the floor.

'I told him I didn't want to intrude, didn't I. You're a newly proposed couple in a house by yourselves, it wouldn't do for a middle schooler like me to get in the middle of that.' He twirls his hand in the air, a mindless gesture saying that that's simply all there is to it.

'You wouldn't be intruding at all, though! I- Tsumugu and I want you there!' Chisaki raises her voice a little and she's so earnest and Kaname thinks this is more than he can take or even wants to. It's hard.

'You made your choice, Chisaki...' He says, letting a bit of how defeated he is melt into his normally casual tone.

'And I want to make it again! The three of us...' but she seems more unsure now, as if this isn't going to what she scripted, and Kaname doesn't feel kind enough to make it easier on her.

'It's going to get dark if you don't get going home soon, the mainland is freezing right now, you should be careful.' Kaname looks up at the ceiling and not anywhere near her.

'Kaname...' She trails off before standing straight up from the table. 'I'll be back soon. I won't let you be all alone like this.'

The door closes with a slam and Kaname sighs.

He knows he's probably making this harder than it needs to be, but Chisaki deserves far more than he will even be able to give her and letting her go was and is a part of that.

–

Tsumugu is standing on the corner of Mihama middle school when Kaname first spots him, after classes have ended. He contemplates turning around and going through the back exit, through the forest and back down to the water, but Tsumugu seems to have already seen him and is following Kaname's movements with his eyes.

Kaname sighs. How troublesome indeed.

'You're a rare sight around here, Tsumugu.' Kaname says, twisting the schoolbag he's holding behind his back. 'Are you looking for Hikari? Or maybe Manaka? I think you just missed them, though. The two of them went on ahead.'

So why are you still here anyway, he doesn't say.

'No.' Tsumugu says, in the same infuriating monotone he always uses. 'I was waiting for you.'

Well it was worth a shot.

'Come on, then, let's go for a walk.' Kaname ushers, and Tsumugu follows by his side in silence for a while until they make it to the vending machines by the shore.

'Is there anything you want? My treat.' Tsumugu asks him and Kaname chuckles.

'What, no black coffee this time? You've gone soft in your old age.' Kaname had drunken it last time but he still thinks almost anything is preferable. It's not really to his tastes, despite how grown up he feels at times.

'Consider it a special service.' Tsumugu puts his change in the machine for his own drink. Juice, as always. Kaname wonders if they keep a stock of it just for him by now.

'Then I'll have the same thing you're having.' and he doesn't quite understand why that's so funny, but Tsumugu's lips draw up almost imperceptibly as he gets out another juice and hands it to Kaname.

The air and the drink are both cold and Kaname wonders if maybe he should have gotten something warm instead, but it doesn't matter much now.

They make their way over to the outlook above the beach and lean against it, watching the waves lap at the sand for a bit before Tsumugu makes his point.

'Chisaki told me you turned her down too.' and he's to the point as always.

'Of course, that goes without saying.' Kaname says, trying not to give anything away when he doesn't have hardly any information at all.

'I figured if there's anyone who would be able to convince you, it's her.' Tsumugu looks a little puzzled, maybe a little weary. Well if he's that troublesome, then you shouldn't bother, Tsumugu.

'There's just nothing to convince.' He turns to Tsumugu, knocking his can against the rail to emphasize his next point. 'Why are you so adamant about this. Do you want competition so badly. Weren't you the one who said you weren't going to give her up.'

Tsumugu makes a face. 'You're not competition.'

Kaname flinches, his grip on the can causing it to crinkle. 'Harsh.'

'That's not what I meant.' Tsumugu says, running his hand through his hair, like Kaname knows what that even means anymore. Five years is too long to be able to read his friend anymore like he used to. It's terrible. He feels lost.

'Then what do you mean.' Kaname says, his voice raising the more he talks, bitter. 'I don't want your misguided pity! I can't live in a house with the two of you when you're like that! Why won't you leave me alone!'

'Kaname-' Tsumugu puts his hand on Kaname's shoulder and Kaname tries to shake it off.

'Let go of me!' he yells, breathing hard, and he knows he's making a scene but he doesn't really care. There's no one else around anyway.

'Not until you listen.' Tsumugu says, but lets his hand fall back down to his side, but his eyes are dark and calculating.

'What's there to listen to...' Kaname mutters, feeling a lot of the fight leave him now, replaced with a cold tiredness.

'If I try to tell you, you'll try not to understand won't you. So-' Tsumugu brings his hand up to Kaname's cheek and it's warm, slowly, so that Kaname can pull away this time. Kaname doesn't move.

Tsumugu's lips are slightly sour on his, like tangerines and sea air, and it only lasts a little bit, before he pulls back, a barely decipherable blush under his tanned skin.

Kaname brings up a hand to touch at his mouth, and it tingles where he can still feel Tsumugu's presence. That was his first kiss, the bastard.

It becomes apparent that Tsumugu isn't going to say anything else, so Kaname breaks the silence, forcing his words out.

'Do you make a habit of kissing middle schoolers?' he asks, but it's not really bitter anymore.

'We used to be the same age, didn't we.' Tsumugu replies, looking directly at Kaname, and Kaname wonders what he sees. 'Five years isn't a long time.'

'Isn't it?' Kaname breathes out

'If I'm wrong, I'll apologize.' Tsumugu says, stuffing his hands into his jacket pockets. It's a tone that says he knows he isn't wrong at all. Tsumugu was always the one of them that seemed to know everything and usually that's almost infuriating, but Kaname can't bring himself to be mad right now.

'So, have you thought about it?' He continues.

And Kaname has.

–

(When he arrives at the house with Tsumugu, the first thing Kaname sees it Chisaki's face, and she's staring at him like he's some amazing treasure. Tsumugu nods at her from his side and she rushes over, nearly tripping over her own feet to wrap Kaname up in a warm, all enveloping hug. It's like coming home, like the sea on dry land. Chisaki whispers into his hair, pressing kisses there, because he's here, she didn't mess up again, she loves him, don't leave her again, and Kaname, Kaname-

Tsumugu takes both their hands in his, a comforting presence at his side and every piece has somehow fallen into place, something that hasn't made sense in five long long, but very short years.

Kaname doesn't think he ever wants to leave.)


End file.
